Relationship-life-balance

Since I have moved from singledom to coupledom, I am trying to figure out this new world of ‘two’.

During my December holiday I read the book ‘Good man hunting’. From the book I got the lesson that being single is a lifestyle as well as being in a relationship. Both lifestyles have their disadvantages and advantages. Constantly comparing the one to the other becomes tedious but instead embracing each lifestyle is much more enjoyable....

Anyway, that being said it’s time for me to embrace this thing called ‘relationship’.  The first thing a couple of weeks into the relationship is something I would call ‘relationship-life-balance’. How does one manage to add this new item 'relationship' to ones already fully packed diary? I always found it an art to ensure I have a ‘balanced’ lifestyle referring to it more in the context of work-life-balance. The ideal non-work time in my mind looks like a balance between a gym routine, eating health food, having daily quiet time, at least once a week me-time, read the news daily, socialise regularly with friends, spend time with family, sleep minimum 7 hours, blog (;-) ) and either read a good book or some academic articles.

Now having entered into a relationship there is this great person in my life who I want to actually spend 24/7 with. The first couple of weeks I just threw all or most of the above over board. I figured it is fine when newly in love – everyone will forgive one, even I myself. But after a while people are less tolerant and my inner me also shouts for its routine. What now?

I didn’t even go down the road to ‘manage it all’ – too much work, too stressful. If you google the topic you will find loads of articles, links, life coaches to assist, but who has the time to go through them? I asked myself how do people who in addition have kids manage all of this? Am I being unreasonable?

photo posted by graurcodrin

I have decided to not worry about it too much. At least for the first time, I feel totally comfortable in a relationship to take my me-time, to do my things and don't have the feeling that I am missing out (because he will still be there when I'm back). I am also not trying to be 'super-woman' and manage it 'all with a smile' and getting totally exhausted. 

We talk about it, we do some of the daily routine things together....and the rest....we figure out day by day....

First date

The other day I went on a so called 'first date'. It was quite exciting considering that I cannot remember when I went on a classical first date. The guy choose the restaurant and we met there. (I don't want a guy to know where I live neither rely on him to drive me when I don't know him well). It was a nice place and I felt the act of inviting me out for dinner was really great. It is kind the classical thing that one sees in Hollywood movies, but honestly, it hardly ever happened to me before.

Most of my dates in the past were either guys I already knew or was already dating. Those dates were also really nice, but I think there is something special about first dates with someone you hardly know but you are interested to get to know.

Firstly, it's about the question should I be first or should I be late? I think it is nicer if he is already there, but then my friend told me that she prefers to be first, so she doesn't have to look out for the person.

The first part of the conversation was a bit slow; awkward. The choice of food: Do you order a starter or not? What to eat? 

I know that ultimately one should just be oneself and behave as one always would in a restaurant...but I think everyone would like to make a good impression and even if it will be the only date with that person, one wants to be remembered as the 'nice' one.

The walk to the bathroom: you know he is going to watch you and also watch you come  back towards the table. I then feel like being on the catwalk.

After the dinner, does one order dessert?

At least I managed this time to not even take out my wallet and say anything about paying. It was difficult as I am used to at least offer and in most cases to pay actually half, but I didn't say a word (besides thank you afterwards) and I think that was the right move.

I have to say all in all, luckily the guy turned out to be also nice...so the conversation was good and fun. Generally , I have to say, it is very beautiful to go on a date. I felt like a lady and it is definitely a self-esteem boost.