First date

The other day I went on a so called 'first date'. It was quite exciting considering that I cannot remember when I went on a classical first date. The guy choose the restaurant and we met there. (I don't want a guy to know where I live neither rely on him to drive me when I don't know him well). It was a nice place and I felt the act of inviting me out for dinner was really great. It is kind the classical thing that one sees in Hollywood movies, but honestly, it hardly ever happened to me before.

Most of my dates in the past were either guys I already knew or was already dating. Those dates were also really nice, but I think there is something special about first dates with someone you hardly know but you are interested to get to know.

Firstly, it's about the question should I be first or should I be late? I think it is nicer if he is already there, but then my friend told me that she prefers to be first, so she doesn't have to look out for the person.

The first part of the conversation was a bit slow; awkward. The choice of food: Do you order a starter or not? What to eat? 

I know that ultimately one should just be oneself and behave as one always would in a restaurant...but I think everyone would like to make a good impression and even if it will be the only date with that person, one wants to be remembered as the 'nice' one.

The walk to the bathroom: you know he is going to watch you and also watch you come  back towards the table. I then feel like being on the catwalk.

After the dinner, does one order dessert?

At least I managed this time to not even take out my wallet and say anything about paying. It was difficult as I am used to at least offer and in most cases to pay actually half, but I didn't say a word (besides thank you afterwards) and I think that was the right move.

I have to say all in all, luckily the guy turned out to be also nice...so the conversation was good and fun. Generally , I have to say, it is very beautiful to go on a date. I felt like a lady and it is definitely a self-esteem boost.

Online dating

This is a new thing I got into. I am still on leave and have lately heard some of the ‘success’ stories of people who met others through the internet. Me being such an internet addict anyway, thought to myself – why not? It’s not the first time I thought about it. I think I have created a profile a couple of months back but that was more out of desperation to find someone, now it’s more about exploring a new way of dating.

After a week of getting into it, I think I have gotten a fairly good understanding for myself how it works and what are the limitations but also the advantages. The one awkward thing is that you are almost online shopping for a man. You create your profile and share all these things about yourself mostly by ticking of categories set up by the dating site. Then you do the same for your ‘match’ also again through ticking of categories about things you want the person to have or be like. This then also includes a rating, how important each criteria is to you.

First, I created the profile and ticked all the boxes. Then, I looked out for possible ‘matches’ and that works through the database which spits out who is a ‘match’ for you from a 100% match down to any percentage you can imagine.

I guess everyone does browse through some photos, reads profiles of others and explores how to contact others. I have to say, some of them are hilarious (without being judgmental). It’s really fun to see what people put out there and the courage some people have. I was surprised how many people like just write up a couple of lines basically saying, if you interested, let’s get talking. Most people don’t have the illusion that you will really meet Mrs. or Mr. Right on the site but that it’s just another way of meeting people.

I had one date so far...not spectacular, but ok, however, there won’t be a second one. I will keep you posted on further developments, but I can only encourage, try it out and don’t be scared, most people are actually as normal or as crazy as you and I.

Soap of my life

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Saturday morning after breakfast back in bed recovering from last night’s party, checking facebook and having some good laughs remembering funny things of last night ...I thought about the soap of my life.

When I watch soaps like ‘Sex and the City’, ‘Friends’ or some local soaps, I sometimes wish to be part of this happy, snappy and little bit chaotic lifestyle.

I realised, my life is the best movie/soap I can wish for and I am actually very, very thankful that I am so blessed.

Yes, it is true I don’t have a boyfriend/husband or a child. I don’t own a house or have money to plan my next overseas trip. I also don’t have the looks of a model or the money of a millionaire, but I often do not realise how much opportunity and blessing of experience I have almost daily.

I have an amazing female, single housemate. We get along brilliantly and have loads of fun together. I live in a cute house (for rent) in a very vibrant area. I have a car. I have access to my own internet and network – which enables me to connect with the world wherever I am.

 Recently, I started going to the local bar at the corner of my street and met interesting people, jazz artists, strangers, neighbours and learnt the most exotic stories.  

My family is not big and far from me but they are loving and caring and, even though I am always the one travelling all over, I still get parcels, gifts and postcards. I will be consulted about family matters. They are just gorgeous people.

Then, the city I live in offers so many activities - outdoor (mountains, ocean, beaches, flowers, wildlife) and cultural- which makes it often difficult to choose and I am blessed to be able to afford (at least for the first half of the month) to attend and do to things I am interested in.

I meet people from all over the world, soccer stars, jazz legends, apartheid struggle heroes, interesting characters and ordinary citizens with amazing stories.

I am healthy and can exercise outside or at the gym.

And men....even though this more often seems to be a topic of disappointment, it is also a very interesting one. Being single, free to do and experience what I wish to, I do. And I can share some hilarious stories. If it is about youngsters who, when finding out our age, get a worried look on their face saying ‘you should have a child and be married by now’ or old, old guys who seriously have a crush on us or gay/lesbian parties or spontaneous kissing after a night out or artists we meet and they end up on our couch because they don’t have a place to stay or an early morning visits by admirers when my teeth are not brushed and the PJ is still on and there is nothing you can do to hide ANY of what a good make up or a shower would do or or.  

When I am IN these moments, I might not always find them funny, but thinking about them the day after, I promise you it’s better than any soap I have ever watched.

I have girlfriends on the other side of the globe that still keep me entertained and involved in their interesting life stories of cheating boyfriends, having babies, break ups and make ups, moving places, new jobs and just getting on with life. I have an amazing therapist, or let’s say shrink, so that it sounds more like a soap, where I regularly spend my hour on the couch finding out about myself.

Oh, and I almost forgot, I have an interesting job where I can work in the field I am passionate about, with fascinating colleagues and the luxury to only work 80%. I have plenty of opportunity to care and help others and also advocate for the rights of not so privileged individuals.

Don’t get me wrong it is not only fun, but it is a great movie/soap to be a protagonist of and I am very, very thankful for every second I am experiencing and experienced.

Young, single, professional female above 28 is looking for…?

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Back in the world of ‘single-hood’, I started asking myself, why does it seem so difficult to find Mr. Right for some and for others not? What are we looking for and what is on offer?

It is one of the trickiest questions where and how to find the right match. Those once who have found their significant other will usually share their wisdom such as ‘Mr. Right is out there, just keep on looking’ or something like ‘Just try NOT to look out for someone and you will see he will come’; ‘when you less expect it, you will find him’ or ‘you still young, you will find someone easily’ etc. etc.

Single ladies normally come together in sympathy for each other with phrases like: ‘xyz settled down just because she was desperate, I am happy that I am still waiting’ or ‘being single is the greatest thing in life, you can enjoy and be totally independent. I don’t have to compromise for nothing’

I think in all of it lies some truth but also some ways of consoling single women who are desperate.

Does desperation itself lead to making wrong choices? Do we really settle for less and are we therefore less successful maintaining a relationship? How can one keep up the morale, the willingness to take the risk of opening up and falling in love, and not move between the extremes of being an outgoing happy single and depressed, de-motivated single?

I think the most important thing is a balanced circle of friends that keep you sane,- singles and couples. Using the advantages of single-hood to be able to do many things, travel, explore, be outgoing, but also rely on what you have. I think in the fewest cases it has something to do with anyone’s personality rather then with the environment. I believe we are all beautiful and powerful beings and our nature will allow us to find Mr. Right. On those days when you loosing hope, do not hang out alone, find your friends, do something fun and be reminded that you are the most gorgeous person in your life, the main actor of your 'life-movie'.

Poem: La hora chunga

La hora cuando todas las parejas han vuelto a casa

Es la hora cuando tienes que volver a la soledad

Es la hora cuando no sabes a quien llamar

La hora que grita – solo, sola, solo, sola

La hora después de las sonrisas

La hora después de la fiesta

La hora de las lágrimas

La hora de la verdad

La hora drama

La hora negra

Hora soltera

Es la hora

Es hora

Ahora

(Dedicado a un querido amigo – Mayo 2009)