Freedom of speech – anything goes

Social media and the internet have become the platforms for engagement and exchange about every moment of our lives. We share on these platforms especially moments linked to our emotions - joy, happiness, sadness, rage, anger. Social media and chat programmes like Whatsapp, Twitter and Facebook are the main communication channels. It is quick and easy. If we do not communicate, we can just ‘like’, ‘retweet’ or use any emoticons to comment on the original post.

I am not judging any of it and I see a lot of beauty and positive in the growing online communities around the world. However, I disagree with the fact that we leave our humanity behind when we go online and just say whatever comes to mind. Do we actually think before we press ‘send’, ‘tweet’, ‘post’ if we would say the same thing to a person’s face? Do we have the same amount of courage to speak up facing the person we are talking about? It is an everything ‘goes’ mentality which takes on scary forms at times. There are no rules and in most cases, rude, harsh, racist, sexist posts will get some form of attention - a ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ , a 'retweet' or a comment. Especially when comments are made about others or groups of people we often take our freedom of speech to another level. When we make comments we do not speak about one particular person but rather ‘those people’ and ‘them’, which seem to make it even more ok to ‘dehumanise’ them (and you can exchange the word ‘them’ with any group that comes to mind – foreigners, black or white people, women, natives, men really any group you can think of). So we don’t really care about the ‘other’ that we might harm or mention in our post. We are making a general comment. It is actually more about us then the other person.

It is an interesting fact that real connections with others takes place through authentic communication. Studies show more than 85% of our communication to connect with others is based on nonverbal body language. Are we loosing the ability to empathise with each other and to actually think about what our comments might trigger in the other person?

I also wonder if it has not a lot to with the fact that whatever is said has a sizeable audience. Most of the times you will get a reaction of some sort. Our audience on these platforms is on average much bigger than your average circle of friends around a dinner table.

Do not get me wrong, I am of course a strong believer in freedom of speech and the right to express ones opinions and thoughts. I am questioning, if it is ok that it is done in any way and any tone that we think at that particular moment is right. I am also interrogating the fact that much of ‘freedom of speech’ is done through anonymous online channels without direct interface and interaction. It is so much easier to type an opinion and press ‘send’ than to actually articulate your thoughts while looking someone else in the eye. It is so much easier to talk about the other than to actually talk to the other.

Hope this will be some food for thought…

Online dating

This is a new thing I got into. I am still on leave and have lately heard some of the ‘success’ stories of people who met others through the internet. Me being such an internet addict anyway, thought to myself – why not? It’s not the first time I thought about it. I think I have created a profile a couple of months back but that was more out of desperation to find someone, now it’s more about exploring a new way of dating.

After a week of getting into it, I think I have gotten a fairly good understanding for myself how it works and what are the limitations but also the advantages. The one awkward thing is that you are almost online shopping for a man. You create your profile and share all these things about yourself mostly by ticking of categories set up by the dating site. Then you do the same for your ‘match’ also again through ticking of categories about things you want the person to have or be like. This then also includes a rating, how important each criteria is to you.

First, I created the profile and ticked all the boxes. Then, I looked out for possible ‘matches’ and that works through the database which spits out who is a ‘match’ for you from a 100% match down to any percentage you can imagine.

I guess everyone does browse through some photos, reads profiles of others and explores how to contact others. I have to say, some of them are hilarious (without being judgmental). It’s really fun to see what people put out there and the courage some people have. I was surprised how many people like just write up a couple of lines basically saying, if you interested, let’s get talking. Most people don’t have the illusion that you will really meet Mrs. or Mr. Right on the site but that it’s just another way of meeting people.

I had one date so far...not spectacular, but ok, however, there won’t be a second one. I will keep you posted on further developments, but I can only encourage, try it out and don’t be scared, most people are actually as normal or as crazy as you and I.