Online dating

This is a new thing I got into. I am still on leave and have lately heard some of the ‘success’ stories of people who met others through the internet. Me being such an internet addict anyway, thought to myself – why not? It’s not the first time I thought about it. I think I have created a profile a couple of months back but that was more out of desperation to find someone, now it’s more about exploring a new way of dating.

After a week of getting into it, I think I have gotten a fairly good understanding for myself how it works and what are the limitations but also the advantages. The one awkward thing is that you are almost online shopping for a man. You create your profile and share all these things about yourself mostly by ticking of categories set up by the dating site. Then you do the same for your ‘match’ also again through ticking of categories about things you want the person to have or be like. This then also includes a rating, how important each criteria is to you.

First, I created the profile and ticked all the boxes. Then, I looked out for possible ‘matches’ and that works through the database which spits out who is a ‘match’ for you from a 100% match down to any percentage you can imagine.

I guess everyone does browse through some photos, reads profiles of others and explores how to contact others. I have to say, some of them are hilarious (without being judgmental). It’s really fun to see what people put out there and the courage some people have. I was surprised how many people like just write up a couple of lines basically saying, if you interested, let’s get talking. Most people don’t have the illusion that you will really meet Mrs. or Mr. Right on the site but that it’s just another way of meeting people.

I had one date so far...not spectacular, but ok, however, there won’t be a second one. I will keep you posted on further developments, but I can only encourage, try it out and don’t be scared, most people are actually as normal or as crazy as you and I.

The modern man

I have spent many hours of my life discussing a very interesting topic – men. I have heard complaints and praises about guys; I have listened to the good guy – bad guy stories, I have had plenty of discussions about the difference between men and women and their different needs; I debated if women are discriminated or discriminate themselves; These discussions took place in many parts of the world among women of different cultures.

I came to the conclusion that there are many differences between men and women, but I am still unable to define it clearly (besides the biological). I don’t like it that this topic often turns into an arrogant talk about the ‘bad sides’ of guys and the superiority of the female race (I know that this topic has been discussed differently in different cultures and countries, age and income groups.) However, from my life perspective I would like to comment on this topic without offending anyone of different believe or background.
I really would like to understand men better and that brought me to the topic ‘What is the modern man all about?’

I think there are plenty of forums where women’s needs, feelings and thoughts are discussed, debated and exchanged but (at least in my life) fora improving the understanding of each other - among men and women- are rare.
We know about the challenges working women face, how difficult it is to be a single mom, what it means to be a women in a men’s world, how to embrace being a women. There a many advisory websites, blogs, books and groups that support women how to overcome their challenges. It is great and I hope that there is something for everyone in it.

But what do men do? I had a couple of male friends who find it really challenging to find their role in the modern world, the role in current relationships and in the epoch of the empowerment of women. In addition to those challenges, I met plenty of guys in their 30s ending relationships stating ‘I first have to find myself’, ‘I have to figure out who I am and what I want in life’ or ‘I am not ready for a relationship yet’

I initially got angry and said to myself ‘if you haven’t figured it out yet, it is about time’ and ‘I don’t believe you have to be a ‘ready’ and a perfect person before you can live your life with someone'.
I came to the conclusion that it might have to do with the ‘modern times’ or the 21st century that does not seem to cater for men issues. Yes, there is plenty of information out there about cars, the latest electronic gadgets or sexy models but I do believe that most men have much more needs then the superficial themes that is offered for them….

This is a plea to men to assist men, to talk about the important and things in life…from men to men. I believe if more of those talks start to happen, it will help the female world a great deal to understand and learn what men are about. I think, then, gender forums can start to exchange what males and females can learn form each other, and to finally be able to communicate more effectively.