Relationship-life-balance

Since I have moved from singledom to coupledom, I am trying to figure out this new world of ‘two’.

During my December holiday I read the book ‘Good man hunting’. From the book I got the lesson that being single is a lifestyle as well as being in a relationship. Both lifestyles have their disadvantages and advantages. Constantly comparing the one to the other becomes tedious but instead embracing each lifestyle is much more enjoyable....

Anyway, that being said it’s time for me to embrace this thing called ‘relationship’.  The first thing a couple of weeks into the relationship is something I would call ‘relationship-life-balance’. How does one manage to add this new item 'relationship' to ones already fully packed diary? I always found it an art to ensure I have a ‘balanced’ lifestyle referring to it more in the context of work-life-balance. The ideal non-work time in my mind looks like a balance between a gym routine, eating health food, having daily quiet time, at least once a week me-time, read the news daily, socialise regularly with friends, spend time with family, sleep minimum 7 hours, blog (;-) ) and either read a good book or some academic articles.

Now having entered into a relationship there is this great person in my life who I want to actually spend 24/7 with. The first couple of weeks I just threw all or most of the above over board. I figured it is fine when newly in love – everyone will forgive one, even I myself. But after a while people are less tolerant and my inner me also shouts for its routine. What now?

I didn’t even go down the road to ‘manage it all’ – too much work, too stressful. If you google the topic you will find loads of articles, links, life coaches to assist, but who has the time to go through them? I asked myself how do people who in addition have kids manage all of this? Am I being unreasonable?

photo posted by graurcodrin

I have decided to not worry about it too much. At least for the first time, I feel totally comfortable in a relationship to take my me-time, to do my things and don't have the feeling that I am missing out (because he will still be there when I'm back). I am also not trying to be 'super-woman' and manage it 'all with a smile' and getting totally exhausted. 

We talk about it, we do some of the daily routine things together....and the rest....we figure out day by day....

Online dating

This is a new thing I got into. I am still on leave and have lately heard some of the ‘success’ stories of people who met others through the internet. Me being such an internet addict anyway, thought to myself – why not? It’s not the first time I thought about it. I think I have created a profile a couple of months back but that was more out of desperation to find someone, now it’s more about exploring a new way of dating.

After a week of getting into it, I think I have gotten a fairly good understanding for myself how it works and what are the limitations but also the advantages. The one awkward thing is that you are almost online shopping for a man. You create your profile and share all these things about yourself mostly by ticking of categories set up by the dating site. Then you do the same for your ‘match’ also again through ticking of categories about things you want the person to have or be like. This then also includes a rating, how important each criteria is to you.

First, I created the profile and ticked all the boxes. Then, I looked out for possible ‘matches’ and that works through the database which spits out who is a ‘match’ for you from a 100% match down to any percentage you can imagine.

I guess everyone does browse through some photos, reads profiles of others and explores how to contact others. I have to say, some of them are hilarious (without being judgmental). It’s really fun to see what people put out there and the courage some people have. I was surprised how many people like just write up a couple of lines basically saying, if you interested, let’s get talking. Most people don’t have the illusion that you will really meet Mrs. or Mr. Right on the site but that it’s just another way of meeting people.

I had one date so far...not spectacular, but ok, however, there won’t be a second one. I will keep you posted on further developments, but I can only encourage, try it out and don’t be scared, most people are actually as normal or as crazy as you and I.

Happy 2011

It has been quite a while since I shared my ‘widsom’ ;-) with all of you but I didn’t know what to write about so I left it. (if there is any topic you would like to read about, you welcome to write something or inspire me for a topic). Anyway, lets see what the year 2011 hold for me and this blog.

Just on the site, for the singles reading this, I read a very interesting book, it’s called ‘Good man hunting’ and it is a fiction novel of a thirty something single woman in Australia and her friends. The author shares their experience of love, life, relationships, loss and wins etc. through short 3 to 6 pager write ups . I wouldn’t give it a literature award but was an easy and relaxing holiday read. The only thing that bugged me from time to time was the fact that the short stories and experiences were so real in terms of real life that it was almost painful reading it. It was like ‘yeah right, this is how life goes and so what is funny and interesting about it? So, life is really how you, me and all the other people experience it every day?’. Anyway, for the ones close to me, you welcome to lend it from me.

Otherwise, 2011 has begun in full swing and here in SA it’s boiling hot and an amazing summer season especially if you are still on holiday. I wish all the women (and men) who read the stories on this blog a great year 2011. I hope you all will be able and happy to enjoy every moment of your life, live life to the fullest and maybe adopt a bit of my new life philosophy ‘Whatever works’ after the same titled Woody Allan movie. ;-).

Young, single, professional female above 28 is looking for…?

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Back in the world of ‘single-hood’, I started asking myself, why does it seem so difficult to find Mr. Right for some and for others not? What are we looking for and what is on offer?

It is one of the trickiest questions where and how to find the right match. Those once who have found their significant other will usually share their wisdom such as ‘Mr. Right is out there, just keep on looking’ or something like ‘Just try NOT to look out for someone and you will see he will come’; ‘when you less expect it, you will find him’ or ‘you still young, you will find someone easily’ etc. etc.

Single ladies normally come together in sympathy for each other with phrases like: ‘xyz settled down just because she was desperate, I am happy that I am still waiting’ or ‘being single is the greatest thing in life, you can enjoy and be totally independent. I don’t have to compromise for nothing’

I think in all of it lies some truth but also some ways of consoling single women who are desperate.

Does desperation itself lead to making wrong choices? Do we really settle for less and are we therefore less successful maintaining a relationship? How can one keep up the morale, the willingness to take the risk of opening up and falling in love, and not move between the extremes of being an outgoing happy single and depressed, de-motivated single?

I think the most important thing is a balanced circle of friends that keep you sane,- singles and couples. Using the advantages of single-hood to be able to do many things, travel, explore, be outgoing, but also rely on what you have. I think in the fewest cases it has something to do with anyone’s personality rather then with the environment. I believe we are all beautiful and powerful beings and our nature will allow us to find Mr. Right. On those days when you loosing hope, do not hang out alone, find your friends, do something fun and be reminded that you are the most gorgeous person in your life, the main actor of your 'life-movie'.