Let life begin

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to get through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. "
(Alfred D Souza)

There are those days, when I feel like I am a director watching how the movie of my life is being produced, but then I realize 'hey I'm actually the protagonist - I'm in it'. Then I have to start 'acting' or better say, have to live. And then there is the best moment of all, I have this big smile on my face and realize I'm alive. I love life.

Let's talk about sex

Let's talk about sex - HIV and SDTs...

I was privileged to visit Pieter Dirk Uys in Darling and listen to some of his advise around the status of HIV/AIDS education and so I thought I would take it to heart and finally write something on this not so comfortable topic. He said to us 'Penis and vagina are never pleasant dinner conversation topics. However, if we don't talk about it when we are sitting together with our friends over supper or having a drink, when will we?'

Truth be told, in the last let's say five years I can probably count with fingers of one hand when HIV/AIDS and STDs have been discussed at socials I was at.

I think we (and I fully include myself) all assume we do know and understand how we get HIV/AIDS. I think generally we all do. Most of us do know that the vaginal fluid, semen, breast milk and blood of a with HIV infected person have enough of the virus in it to infect another person. I think we all know that we can get HIV by having unprotected sex with infected persons, sharing needles and through mother to child infection.

For me the problem of understanding how to get HIV started with knowing the details. I will try to write this as clinical as possible. This is not about lifestyles or judgments on single hood or sex before marriage. I will just try to share questions, answers and doubts I had over the last couple of years.

As long as I was in a long term relationships the problem was very minimal. Both got tested at the beginning and everything was sorted. But as life takes it turns and partners as well as circumstances change, the spectrum around sex broadens.

So the questions that I had during the last couple of years:
1) What happens when the condom pops when you sleep with a guy you hardly know? Can you do anything or is your fate determined if he is HIV positive?
Yes, luckily you can. Within the first 72 hours you can get ARV treatment. However, you need to consult a doctor or go to a clinic. General rule should be, after the orgasm, the guy should pull out and you should take care that the condom is still on. Ladies, in my experience the best is to double check, sadly some guys don't seem to know how to use condoms

2) Will you get infected through oral sex?
These questions are highly contested in the scientific world. To be safe, be safe. You won't get infected if you swallow the semen but if you have little cuts in your mouth etc it is already more risky...so if he wants a blow job, he should put on the plastic.

3) Something interesting to try out are female condoms. It's just a different way of protection. It's a nice way of spicing up the routine. Yes, they are a bit more expensive and seem first more complicated but ultimately they are the same user friendly as male condoms.

4) Once the penis lost its erection you should put on a new condom for the second round.

5) I like cremes and massage oils but had to learn that oil based products will dissolve latex condoms...

That's all I wanted to share with you. Generally, I just wanted to encourage you to make HIV/AIDS a dinner conversation from time to time. It might be uncomfortable but might save a life!

Ladies Night

When guys hear 'ladies night' they get a spark in their eyes and wild fantasies creep through their minds about what women are talking about and doing during this special 'only ladies' time. Women normally have a big smile on their face and start giggling and whispering.

I recently went to a ladies night that turned out to be totally different to the once I had been to before. We designed cakes. No, it wasn't a desperate housewife club in its mid forties but a couple of tweens and early thirties ladies creating cakes. The outcome were wedding cakes / birthday cakes which would have been worth selling good money. We had loads of fun and good chats and that is what ladies nights are all about.

Any ladies night I attended in the past was great fun even if it was without a theme, just a get together, going for supper or going out for drinks and party. Maybe it's the modern way of female tribalism to exchange knowledge and experience. I wouldn't have missed one of them. Yes, I also had some strange experiences or heard some creepy things during ladies nights but the more you know about the things happening in the world the better.

Ladies, haven't had a ladies night for a while - it's time to organise one.

You need it - you'll love it - go for it!!

P.S. And just for the men who read this page...yes, @ ladies nights we talk about men, relationships, sex, flirting as much as we talk about recipes, monthly pains, sales, nail polish. We talk about our dreams, wishes and about daily life. We go out, eat, dance, drink, have fun, flirt, meet people. We laugh, giggle, sometimes cry..