Saturday, September 8, 2012

Time

The book 'Time: A User's Guide' by Stefan Klein explores something very ordinary, it talks about TIME. I never thought that there is so much to be said about time to fill a whole book.
"Our modern lives are ruled by minutes and hours. We race from one thing to the next, all of us believing on some level that a mysterious cosmic force called 'time' is ticking on. And it's always short in supply."
Even though time has been set in certain parameters by clocks and calendars, it remains something subjective and experiential. We know the feeling of time flying by or when it seems to be crawling like a snail. We use the word time a 100times a day when we say 'I'm running out of time', 'I am in a rush, I don't have time', 'finally time to relax', 'lunch time', 'time to talk', 'take your time', 'bedtime', ...
The book offers theories and facts from different disciplines including brain physiology, social psychology, philosophy, history and Einsteinian physics.

I was fascinated by the fact that time is something so self-evident in our lives, but that in fact there is so much more to it. For example the fact that we all have an inner clock which, even if we lock ourselves up in a dark space without any reference to time, still functions almost to the minute determining day and night. 

A change in perspective was spared by the fact that many of us treat time as this magic force which is ticking on without us having control over it. The truth is - we are in control of our time. We are actually not running out of time, but in fact we are mostly not using or applying our time wisely. We are the ones that can set our own priorities and divide time in a way that is suitable. Even though we are the generation with more leisure time at hand than any generation before us. However, we are more stressed and feel less in control of our time. The reality is that our choices to spend our leisure time have quadrupled - which is actually the real factor that stresses us out. There are constantly all these options what we should and could be doing. Just think back to the time before cellphones, before the Internet, before satellite/cable TV - much fewer things to consider. I am certainly not promoting a world without these inventions but this entry should just be a short reminder when we get stressed out that we have the power to prioritise and to choose. 

Enjoy your time!

Monday, August 6, 2012

De-clutter

I recently returned from a 3-week vacation and the first thing I did was de-clutter my wardrobe. I actually took each and every clothing item and decided to either keep it or throw/give it away. It seemed easier after having disconnected and have been living out of a suitcase for three weeks. When I came home I realised that my wardrobe was full even though I felt I had carried a lot of clothes around with me. It is a shocking realisation - the clothes I packed for three weeks are only a fraction of the amount of clothes I have collected over the years. 

The decision making process about each and every item is a hard mental exercise. The discipline to truly look at each item and make a decision instead of creating a new stack of 'whatever-clothes' is hard work. It is almost like pacifying the little angle and devil on your shoulders each time you hold a clothing item in your hand.

You cannot imagine how relieved and proud I was when it was over. When I was done with my clothes I took on to clean up all my paperwork. What a relief. The physical de-cluttering helped me to 'dust' and 'wipe' some memory and make space for new things and allowed room for new perspectives.  It is amazing how the physical and mental exercise work hand in hand.

If you also in the de-cluttering mood, here some tips:
  • When you start, do it from a good emotional space. You will actually enjoy it if you don't see it as a burdensome task of 'cleaning up' or 'sorting out'.
  • Be honest to yourself. Don't start lying to yourself why to keep certain things. If you can't let go, keep it and try again next time. If you get tired and not good in taking decisions anymore, take a break.
  • You don't have to do it all in one day, but make sure you have enough time the next few days to get through the full space you want to de-clutter - if not, this space will become the best procrastination trap you set for yourself.
  • Set yourself some ground rules before you start. For example, if you de-cluttering your clothes you could say 'I will throw out everything that I haven't worn for more than a year' or 'I will give away everything that I actually don't like but just keep in case it could come in handy' or 'every item that is older than 8 years can move on to a new owner' etc. The rules help when you have doubt about something but you will also be surprised how many times you will be trying to cheat your own rules.
  • If you are de-cluttering your paperwork and memories, keep just one of its kinds. For example, if there was an annual festival in your hometown and you have kept the entrance slips for each and every year, choose one and throw the others away. The memories will remain the same.
  • Think of other people that will benefit of your things. It will give you a feeling of satisfaction and make it easier to decide to give it away. You are not throwing it away but someone else might enjoy it and actually use it. 
  • Be disciplined - do not create an extra stack or bag or box with things you 'not sure' about. Most of the times you can just throw the things away. Force yourself to find a new place or category for the item you not sure about. 
  • Life is about the people you meet, the moments of joy and pain you share - not the things you collect. It will make you feel good to get rid of material things and be reminded of exactly that.
If you want some useful reading, get the book 'How to simplify your life.' After I had read it for the first time, I was able to throw two black bags full of stuff away.

Tell me about your 'de-cluttering' experience.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

CHILDREN

Spending time with children is one of the advices given to de-stress and to live a healthy balanced life. I think it is beautiful and I can just affirm the advice.

I have discovered the following lessons, when spending time with kids:
Being present: Children mainly live in the present. They are not worried too much about tomorrow or even the next moment. You will hardly ever hear a child say 'I was just worrying about how the next week will turn out at the kindergarden'
Adventurous and courageous: Children have a lot of courage. Specially very small children explore their world without fear. Everything around them is an adventure. They don't really think about the consequences of their behaviour (their parents do that for them ;-) ) which enables them to experience so much more every day. 
Embracing the world around me as special and full of miracles: Touching green grass, watching ants crawl and observing water drops running down the window like pearls are the little miracles that children encounter every day. The little things that are normal for us, are like world wonders to them. I love it to be reminded that the world around me is full of miracles.
Demanding from the people we love the care we need: Children are also selfish creatures, but mainly because they have a need. A child will tell you loudly when it needs something, if its food, clothes or if somethings hurts. If they need a hug they will run to their mother and if they don't want to be hugged, they will say so.
Spending time doing things we don't want to do: How much time do we spend doing things we don't want to do? How often do we hang out politely at some social gathering that we don't want to be at. Children will hardly do anything they don't want to do. As I said before, they are selfish creatures but also super honest.
Strong willed: Did you ever try to make a child eat something it doesn't want to eat? Good luck. They are strong willed and will push to get what they want (even maybe sometimes with not so commonly acceptable measure). 
Laugh loudly and show happiness: The laughter of my little niece and the squeaking sounds she makes when she enjoys somethings are the most beautiful moments when skyping with her. There is no shame or holding back in showing that she is happy and fully enjoying the moment. 

Wishing you a childlike week!!! 

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

The only measure of success is how well we cope with disappointment

The title of this blog entry is based on the film 'The best exotic Marigold Hotel' which I mentioned at the end of my last blog entry. Our success in life is usually measured against material things like income, house(s) and cars or against achievements in our careers.

This phrase, in contrast, indicates, that those things do not matter. How satisfied and happy will my life be if I never own a house or a big car? How can I still go to work with a smile every day if I am not nominated for the hoped promotion?

Besides those more materialistic success, this sentence challenges us to find success by finding coping mechanisms when life hits hard.
What if a very close friend of yours will not make it to your wedding? What if you realise after 30 years of marriage that it has not been working for the past 15, it will not be working anymore and your dream of 'happy ever after' crushes right in front of you?
What if your best friend betrays you or you discover your child is stealing from you? What if you find out that your life savings are gone due to a wrong investment or that your health will not allow you to ever go on the overseas trip you have been dreaming about your whole life? 

Tough questions, no easy answers. However, the sentence challenges us to accept that real success is not about the things that go right and the things we do well. It is actually about all the failures, mistakes and tragedies in life. The tools and ways we find to cope with those and overcome those are the true success stories of our lives. 

Monday, May 14, 2012

Let faith not fear guide your actions

Fear is such a dominant factor in our daily lives and I would argue that many of our decisions are based on our anxieties. 
There are big fears such as loosing a loved one or being retrenched but there are even more smaller fears that determine our days. There is the fear of not looking good, gaining weight; the fear of being judged by colleagues and neighbours; the fear of not being a good mother, sister, wife, or daughter; the fear to get old and to be lonely; the fear to fail, the fear of not being able to relax and the fear of not being a good friend.....
I think we all could continue this list endlessly.The sentence 'let faith not fear guide your actions' sounds like something that could hence be relevant for many of us.
Some of you that do not practice any religion might ask the question - faith in what? Let faith not fear guide your actions is not only something for the religious but actually encourages to be more trusting in life. A simple metaphor is the trust that the sun will rise again. Trust that things will be ok (again) and that you will be the best you can by just being you. Being ruled by fear takes away our ability to enjoy life and to take decisions that we are happy with.
I do acknowledge that it is not an easy task to overcome fears. However, if you look at it from the perspective that life proofs day in and day out that things will be 'ok' - maybe sometimes in ways we don't appreciate it at first or don't want to see - but pain and disaster is never endless. Fears do not help to improve any situation either but add additional pressure and result in bad decision making patterns. Fear does not take away the unpredictability of life. Faith instead assist in a positive outlook on things. It frees up your mind and allows an optimistic-realistic perspective.

Having watched the movie 'The best exotic Marigold Hotel' provided me with a great closing sentence for this blog entry. Judi Dench, in the role of a pensioner in India, said towards the end 'the only real failure in life is the failure to try'. So don't let fear make you surrender to the 'only real failure' but let faith make you rather 'try' and experience what you think is right.

I would like to dedicate this and the past entry to a very dear friend of mine who inspired me and continues to do so in many areas of my life.

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Progress not perfection

One of my friends recently shared the expression 'progress not perfection' with me.
I am someone who has her goals set and aims to reach them as soon and best as I can. In some instances that process works great but in many instances it can become demotivating if the goal is not immediately achievable and seems still far. I get frustrated and upset. 
Instead of looking into the progress made, appreciating each step and lesson learnt, I focus on the goal.
 
I will share a very recent example. I signed up for an online course to learn mindful eating on my new favourite blog zenhabits.net . The idea of the course is that you create the habit of mindful eating. You start step by step and try to eat one meal a day mindfully for a week, then move along to eat mindfully and healthier to then get by the end of the month to the point that everything you put in your mouth will be done in a mindful.
After three weeks on the course I just managed to have one meal a day (and not necessarily the entire meal) applying the mindful eating habits. I got upset with myself and looked for all the things I am doing wrong and badly. Which almost got me to give up.

Looking at it from the 'progress not perfection' point of view assisted to actually appreciate my achievement. Mindful eating and mainly eating slowly has not been part of my eating behaviour for almost 33 years of my life. Why do I expect to master it within three weeks? I realised that the progress made was actually quite amazing. I had started to break a habit which for years I had not been able to break. 
I listed all the little successes that come with the mindful eating of one meal a day. This list helped me to see that I am on a good path and that I am doing well.

We tend to be quite hard on ourselves when we don't achieve our goals. Being hard on ourselves does not help and has often a negative effect. I want to encourage you to look out for the progress made during every step of your path. You will be able to analyse your lessons learnt during the process. You can celebrate you courage, your strength towards change. If you only do it in the end, it will not last long. If instead you celebrate each step towards it, you will remember the failures and the successes and it will grow your confidence.

Share your story of progress not of perfection.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Live life guilt free

I know I have made this point a couple of times on this blog, but the other night I received a little bit of a prep talk from my housemate and I thought I should share it with you.
Most of us spend a lot of time trying to be the best we can. We try to eat and live healthy, have a fantastic relationship, be informed, be a super employee/manager and some of us also super mothers. We think about what is best for us and the people around us and we worry if we are doing the right things.
It can at times be very confusing to know what is right or wrong, what is healthy, what is appropriate for the kids, etc.
I don't want to discourage you to keep yourself informed and continue to be on top of things, however, I do think it is also important to sometimes just take a breather and to just be. And I think if you overall a person that is conscious about life, it is also ok to let go, to allow yourself the portion of fries, the ice cream, a lazy Sunday of doing nothing. Throw your guilt over board and just be. If you are in touch with yourself you won't do anything that really harms you in any ways but it will allow you to just BE.
You are a beautiful person just as you are -without applying any rules, regulations and most importantly without feeling guilty.
Embrace your beautiful self.

Monday, April 16, 2012

Savour your day


I am sure all of you know those days when everything goes wrong. You wake up and the clothes you put on have a stain, you spill your coffee, you forget your office keys, there is an accident on your route to work and you arrive late, you forget to save your document that you are working on and your PC crashes....and the day just becomes a series of dramatic events. You feel like the whole world is against you and you wish you could just hide in your bed under your duvet.

But do you also remember the days when everything goes right? I recently had two of those and it was amazing how everything just worked out. It took me by surprised. These were days with a lot of potential for things to go wrong with tight timelines, many different appointments and things to do.
I felt truly thankful when all went right. I realised that actually the majority of days are days when most things go ‘right’ but we don’t register those. It is actually nothing extraordinary when things go smooth. In many instances we lack appreciation. After this experience I noticed many more of these moments. It made me walk through my days more appreciative. Savour your days and moments when everything turns out to well.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Miss Mercy Forgiveness

Once upon a time there was this beautiful lady with the name of Ms Mercy Forgiveness. She was very ladylike; when she moved through a place she seemed gliding across the room and her face had soft and round features. She was overall a person with a very pleasant appearance. Wherever she appeared strange things happened.
One day she was invited to a wedding of friend. The parents of the bride did not approve of the husband to be because they felt he was not good enough for their daughter. Ms Mercy Forgiveness arrived at the wedding looking fabulous. She mingled in the crowd and finally made her way to the bride’s parents. She greeted them, chatted to them for a while and excused herself to have some food. Just a few moments later something incredible happened - the parents approached their new son in law and within a few minutes people saw the unexpected, the parents and the son in law where hugging each other with tears in their eyes.
Wherever Ms. Mercy Forgiveness appeared similar things occurred. Another story that people tell each other is about two siblings fighting over the inheritance of their parents and only speaking to each other through lawyers. Ms. Mercy Forgiveness was friends with both of them but didn’t see them for a long time. It happened that she bumped into both of them and invited them for dinner to her house. At the end of the dinner you could hear laughter and joy and people were wondering if those were these the same siblings that had been fighting for years.
These and many more stories took place when Miss Mercy Forgiveness was around. People started to wonder how she did it. When someone asked her, so how do you do this? She just said ‘What do you mean? I just talk to the people and I listen to them. I do nothing else.’
The strange part about knowing Miss Mercy Forgiveness was that people would not necessarily miss her. When people had arguments and fights they were convinced that their point of view was right. Miss Mercy Forgiveness was not asked for. People only appreciated her after she spoke to them and they actually managed to sort out their arguments. As she really liked the people in the little town she lived in she made a point of visiting many of them and listening to their stories.
Unfortunately, not everyone was able to accept her just for who she was. There was a group of people that would make her life difficult. They would say nasty things whenever she appeared or they would just ignore her. They would laugh about her and say ugly things. She never defended herself. She only quietly disappeared and participated lesser and lesser in the social life of the town. This meant that many conflicts, especially of the ugly big ones, remained unresolved. It reached the point when she would only go out and speak to people if she had been invited......Difficult times lay ahead of this town.

So how does this story end? I don’t know. But it seems worthwhile to invite Miss Mercy Forgiveness more often again.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

When men and women are lost in translation

Recently, I caught myself in a real women-men misunderstanding. I noticed once again, men and women do truly speak two different languages. The situations was as follows: I stated three options for him to chose from. He did - and he chose the wrong option. Deeply upset and hurt I made catty comments.He looked at me with a big question mark in his face.

In that moment I did not understand how he could have chosen that one wrong option. The one option which I absolutely disliked. Upset and aggrieved I failed to see why we had this misunderstanding.
Why was it so difficult for him to know what I really wanted? Why was he not able to know what the right option was? Does he not know me well enough?

These are just some of the thoughts that went through my mind. Now, a few days later I can actually smile about it. Situations like this make it quite obvious why men often think that women are dam complicated. We say something but mean something else. We give three options but we only want them to chose THE one option. I am sure all of you can name an example when something similar has happened to you. And even the most academic and elaborated person will find herself in situations like this.

Expectations are set high in statements we make. It sets him up for failure. One way to work on it is to try avoiding statements loaded with expectations. I often find it difficult to say what I really mean and want as a lot of information, emotions and thought mixes up in my head. When I put out three options, it is pretty clear to me why only THE one option is the right one. Instead of giving options saying it as it is in the literal meaning of the words/phrase will help a lot to improve the 'inter-species-communication' between men and women.

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Are we all suffering from ‘commiti-litis’?

I recently organised a social get together. I got people to confirm their attendance and then, last minute, fifty percent of them sent a sms, email, bbm that they will unfortunately not be able to make it. I was not very surprised. I took note of all the messages and yet enjoyed the time with the rest of the people that attended.

The next morning, I woke up thinking about the nice evening and wondering how it would have been if the others had pitched. Was I disappointed? Yes, but not too much as these last minute cancellation messages have become business as usual for any social event or gathering where only loose commitments are required. I know this, because I have done it myself: confirm or confirm with a maybe, but then sent the famous message ‘sorry, won’t be able to make it’.
Thinking about commitments and social events I think one could put people in four categories:

Over-committers: are the ones that jump on any band wagon and are always full of excitement. When you tell them about any of your ideas and plans, they will find it fantastic and sign up for it even before you have finished the sentence. Unfortunately, those types are the ones that end up cancelling many of their prior ‘commitments’. There are only 24hrs in the day.
Never-committers: They are the other extreme. They always listen carefully when social events are discussed. They will also respond to emails to say ‘I will let you know’. They are the ones that enjoy surprising people when they show up spontaneously. They always keep their options open. They are the type that constantly checks their phones and never stay longer than an hour at any event.
Keep it to the last minute committers: This type of committer confirms up till an hour before the event that he/she is coming. They normally also the ones asking the most detailed questions about what to bring, how to get there, what clothes to wear, what not to do and who else will come? If you ask the person after answering all these question – ‘so will you come’ the person will strongly confirm. You can be rest assured shortly before the event or when the event has just started you will get a message. ‘Sorry can’t make it...’ and a dramatic story will follow.
Keep it as it is committers: This type is a dying out species. When they say ‘yes’ they mean it and they come. When they say ‘no’ they won’t come and when they say ‘maybe’ they ‘maybe’ come.

So what makes it difficult to keep commitments? Are we all suffering from ‘commiti-litis’? Is it a sign of the modern times governed by e-technology, cellphones and the internet? Or is the term commitment outdated and overrated?
I looked up the definition of commitment. Number one was ‘an obligation, promise, etc. that restricts one's freedom of action’. This definition certainly sounds like the license to get out of any type of ‘commitment’ if commitment really means it restricts one’s freedom of action. Number two read ‘the official consignment of a person to a mental hospital or prison’. This definition is another good reason to not commit – you are crazy if you do so. ;-)
The following ones are those ones that refer to the type of commitment I am talking about – the simple act of saying ‘yes’ to an invitation or event and to stick to it.
The act of binding yourself (intellectually or emotionally) to a course of action.’ ‘The trait of sincere and steadfast fixity of purpose’
These last ones sound pretty cooI and I actually do not think commitments are outdated. I think most of us are longing for this ‘sincere’ and ‘steadfast’ promise even for the little things such as a friend really pitching for the birthday party; the kept commitment to really call/email/sms when promised, the commitment to make time to talk.... 
It is interesting that we are the generation with more leisure time in comparison to hours at work than any generation before us, but we seem to have the most difficulties to manage our free time. We are constantly stressed and do not know how to manage our social calendars, hence the lack of know-how to make or keep commitments. The fact that the number of people we meet during our lifetimes has increased exponentially in comparison to previous generations is another factor contributing to ‘commiti-litis’. The internet and social media surely adds to the fact that our connections are not only far more but also geographically spread.
It seems we have just too many choices and too many connections to take care off. The constant decision making processes are slowly but surely erasing our  ability to ‘just commit’ and stick to it. This statement is not a judgement but a worrying fact. I am sure all of us have done it – say 'yes' and then send the famous cancellation sms. I also know that there are many people who really want to make it to all the things they commit to. It becomes a time management issue and an issue of knowing one’s own limitations and abilities. Instant gratification also plays a role. If I have committed to meet with person A but the same morning person B calls and has this fantastic idea to do something, many people then tend to go with how they feel like – cancel with person A and go with person B.

So what are possible remedies to ‘commiti-litis’?
Maybe we all should try to not rely too much on our cell phones but on our human connection and think about how a lack of commitment makes one feel. Maybe it is not so much the word ‘commitment’ but the opposite of it that will assist us in fighting this spreading disease.
It might help us as a warning signal the next time before saying so  loosely ‘yes’ or before sending the cancellation message. The opposite of commitment is ‘indifference’. So if someone commits and then sends the sms to cancel it shows a tiny bit of indifference towards the other person. 
What other remedies would you suggest? Maybe you can tell me...?

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Reconnect

One of my New Year's resolution was to reconnect with friends and acquaintances that I have lost contact with. I have a lot of people that in certain periods of my life where close and added a lot of value but time and space did not allow to stay in close contact. 
I realised that I really enjoy it when one of them gets in touch with me. And even if it has been an eternity of not being in touch there is no remorse but happiness to hear from the person. Hence, I thought that I will commit some time this year to reconnect and instead of waiting for people to get in touch with me, get in touch with them. I made a list of names and every Sunday throughout the year I try and write an email or a card to reconnect.
After almost two months I have to say the outcome is amazing. The great thing is that most of these friends found themselves in the same situation. The reason for not being in touch was simply 'life happens'.

It is beautiful to hear people's life stories, what has shaken up their lives and what has changed and where they are now. It is nice to know that these friends still exist and that once you get talking, things between you seem like 'back then'. It might happen that another year or two will go by until you chat again or maybe even see each other BUT the nice thing the contact has been refreshed.

So this is an encouragement - RECONNECT! Be in touch with an email, a call, a Facebook note or Skype greeting. I promise you it will make you feel good. You will not only feel reconnected with old friends but reconnected with the world.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Energizers

When the day at the office seems endless and the to-do-lists get longer, it's time for a little energizer. No, I am not talking about a specific cool drink but about little things that can help to take the burden off our minds. Below a list of things that take you five minutes or less and will give you that little bit of energy to get though the next few hours.

  • Breathe - Just breathe deeply in and out for one minute while looking out the window.
  • Allow yourself a little treat - when we are snowed under we also burden ourselves with the guilt of not allowing ourselves to have this one piece of chocolate. Nonsense, if that is what will give you a little boost, have the chocolate, sweet, ice cream, ....
  • Take a five minute break - get up from your desk, go to the bathroom or kitchen - just for a moment. Then, go back to your desk and instead of diving back into the one thing that stresses you out the most, take a look at the things at hand. Give yourself a pad on your shoulder for the things completed and have a realistic look at what is still to come. Is it really as bad and overwhelming as you think?
  • Save three funny pictures in your mailbox - when you need a booster, look at them. The smile will give you a little kickstart. Alternatively, keep an email, photo or letter close by that gives you a warm feeling (e.g. from your partner or a very good friend). Words that gave you a real ego-boost when you received them. Read them again.
  • Have two glasses of ice water.

P.S. The following lines are more a 'on the side' note, but maybe worth a thought. Everyone will be able to do one of the above even when you extremely stressed out. The truth is, sometimes we do not really want to let go of the stress. The stress attached to certain things and even the complaining and feeling low is often also something that keeps us going. A lot of work and stress makes us feel needed and important. And only if we super stressed, the colleagues at work will believe that 'our work' is extremely important. Being stressed assists in focusing on one specific thing and justifies why not looking at other things.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Conflict and relationship


Relationships go through motions. If there was a recipe for ‘forever happy after’ I am sure we all would pay money to get it. Arguments, discussions, conflict or just silent disapproval and unhappiness are emotions we all wish to avoid.
I find arguments and conflicts very hurting and it takes me quite long to get back to a ‘all is well’ mode. As much as we all know that these things are part of life we wish we could go without.
Here are some ideas and methods for conflict prevention and/or conflict resolution in relationships.
  • 15 minutes: Set one hour a week aside to do this exercise. It is about true listening. Each person has 15 minutes to talk. Rely messages of what is going well and not so well in the relationship. Use the time to talk without being interrupted by the other party. The other person can take notes but the most important exercise is to truly listen and trying to understand the other person not to formulate a response/defense. After the first 15 minutes there can be a short exchange and then the other person takes 15 minutes to talk.
  • Take a break. Take a weekend or a day or an evening and do something on your own. It seems obvious but still something to be reminded off. An evening on the couch does not count. Plan something separate outside of the house.
  • Write it down. If there are a few things bothering you, write it down. Don’t send it immediately. Let it simmer for a day or two, read it again, rewrite it and then send it off or talk about it.
  • Don’t argue at night. Rather go to sleep and discuss the next morning. Being tired and worn off from the day does not help in solving conflict.
  • When it gets heated, take a break. Walk around the block, prepare a meal – do something that makes you cool off. Shouting and hurting comments are more difficult to heal.
  • Talk to a friend. It’s probably an advice I don’t have to give to most women...we do share with our best friends...and it is good that we do. It’s important to hear other perspectives. Many men don’t but they really should.
  • When you argue about something, stay on the point. Don't bring other things in that are not relevant to the current situation.
  • Take some time when you are in a good space to look at your relationship from a rational point of view. Assess and analyse the relationship as if it was a business, an organisation or a process. It sometimes helps to take the emotions out.
  • If you find yourself arguing all the time it might be good to ask a third party to listen and assist.
Anything to add?

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Live so you won’t regret


When people are about to die they think about their lives. Some go through a phase of remorse and regret. They are sad about things they haven’t done and those are mostly related to relationship and love. Material things fade away and what counts is the time spent with others – with family, their kids and friends.
We are often reminded of the importance to enjoy life and to live every day to the fullest as if it was your last. We forget this quickly in our daily lives and the surmounting worries seem to blind us to see the essential.
Start today and think of those small adjustments you can make to ensure that you will not regret. It could be something like switching off the TV/ipad/blackberry one evening a week and playing a board game with the family. Committing to Skype with one of your friends you have not spoken to in months.
Be true to yourself and live your life as the person you want to be, not as what others expect of you. It is almost as sad to wear masks most of the time and enclose oneself in pretending and living what others want. Say what you feel. The other person might benefit to hear it and you might regret not having said it. And lastly, be happy. Happiness and satisfaction are a choice, not something that will be given to you. It might not be instantaneously achievable but work towards it – so you have not ‘wasted’ your life with hours of sadness and unhappiness.
There was an error in this gadget

Follow by Email

There was an error in this gadget