just remember life is good because 'you deserve it'
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
just remember life is good because 'you deserve it'
Monday, September 14, 2009
"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to get through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that this was my life. There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. "There are those days, when I feel like I am a director watching how the movie of my life is being produced, but then I realize 'hey I'm actually the protagonist - I'm in it'. Then I have to start 'acting' or better say, have to live. And then there is the best moment of all, I have this big smile on my face and realize I'm alive. I love life.
(Alfred D Souza)
Thursday, September 10, 2009
I was privileged to visit Pieter Dirk Uys in Darling and listen to some of his advise around the status of HIV/AIDS education and so I thought I would take it to heart and finally write something on this not so comfortable topic. He said to us 'Penis and vagina are never pleasant dinner conversation topics. However, if we don't talk about it when we are sitting together with our friends over supper or having a drink, when will we?'
Truth be told, in the last let's say five years I can probably count with fingers of one hand when HIV/AIDS and STDs have been discussed at socials I was at.
I think we (and I fully include myself) all assume we do know and understand how we get HIV/AIDS. I think generally we all do. Most of us do know that the vaginal fluid, semen, breast milk and blood of a with HIV infected person have enough of the virus in it to infect another person. I think we all know that we can get HIV by having unprotected sex with infected persons, sharing needles and through mother to child infection.
For me the problem of understanding how to get HIV started with knowing the details. I will try to write this as clinical as possible. This is not about lifestyles or judgments on single hood or sex before marriage. I will just try to share questions, answers and doubts I had over the last couple of years.
As long as I was in a long term relationships the problem was very minimal. Both got tested at the beginning and everything was sorted. But as life takes it turns and partners as well as circumstances change, the spectrum around sex broadens.
So the questions that I had during the last couple of years:
1) What happens when the condom pops when you sleep with a guy you hardly know? Can you do anything or is your fate determined if he is HIV positive?
Yes, luckily you can. Within the first 72 hours you can get ARV treatment. However, you need to consult a doctor or go to a clinic. General rule should be, after the orgasm, the guy should pull out and you should take care that the condom is still on. Ladies, in my experience the best is to double check, sadly some guys don't seem to know how to use condoms
2) Will you get infected through oral sex?
These questions are highly contested in the scientific world. To be safe, be safe. You won't get infected if you swallow the semen but if you have little cuts in your mouth etc it is already more risky...so if he wants a blow job, he should put on the plastic.
3) Something interesting to try out are female condoms. It's just a different way of protection. It's a nice way of spicing up the routine. Yes, they are a bit more expensive and seem first more complicated but ultimately they are the same user friendly as male condoms.
4) Once the penis lost its erection you should put on a new condom for the second round.
5) I like cremes and massage oils but had to learn that oil based products will dissolve latex condoms...
That's all I wanted to share with you. Generally, I just wanted to encourage you to make HIV/AIDS a dinner conversation from time to time. It might be uncomfortable but might save a life!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I recently went to a ladies night that turned out to be totally different to the once I had been to before. We designed cakes. No, it wasn't a desperate housewife club in its mid forties but a couple of tweens and early thirties ladies creating cakes. The outcome were wedding cakes / birthday cakes which would have been worth selling good money. We had loads of fun and good chats and that is what ladies nights are all about.
Any ladies night I attended in the past was great fun even if it was without a theme, just a get together, going for supper or going out for drinks and party. Maybe it's the modern way of female tribalism to exchange knowledge and experience. I wouldn't have missed one of them. Yes, I also had some strange experiences or heard some creepy things during ladies nights but the more you know about the things happening in the world the better.
Ladies, haven't had a ladies night for a while - it's time to organise one.
You need it - you'll love it - go for it!!
P.S. And just for the men who read this page...yes, @ ladies nights we talk about men, relationships, sex, flirting as much as we talk about recipes, monthly pains, sales, nail polish. We talk about our dreams, wishes and about daily life. We go out, eat, dance, drink, have fun, flirt, meet people. We laugh, giggle, sometimes cry..
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I think I have found the new remedy against depression and bad mood – yellow. A bright sunshine yellow just puts me immediately in a good mood and makes me feel summery and happy. Hence, sleeping in my new Bafana, Bafana shirt, wearing yellow whenever I can…it works!! Ladies, give it a try, all of you could do with a big sunshine smile.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
It is now that my life is mine
I’ve got this short time on earth
And my longing has brought me here
All I lacked and all I gained
And yet it’s the way that I chose
My trust was far beyond words
That has shown me a little bit
Of the heaven I’ve never found
I want to feel I’m alive
All my living days
I will live as I desire
I want to feel I’m alive
Knowing I was good enough
I have never lost who I was
I have only left it sleeping
Maybe I never had a choice
Just the will to stay alive
All I want is to be happy
Being who I am
To be strong and to be free
To see day arise from night
I am here and my life is only mine
And the heaven I thought was there
I’ll discover it there somewhere
I want to feel that I’ve lived my life!
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this." The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life. Morale:
What we see when watching others depends on the cleanliness of the window through which we look.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
|picture by Ideago|
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I had an interesting discussion with one of my guy friends. He ‘complaint’ about women in relationships. He said he always feels betrayed by women in relationships because women change so dramatically when they get into a relationship. My first reaction was to defend all of us ;-) and to deny that it was true and that his generalization was absolutely nonsense - but it gave me food for thought. So here a couple of my thoughts and also thoughts other people shared with me. Why do women change in relationships?
- Have each your own life, your own hobbies, your own friends
- Do not fall into the pleasing trap
- Do not try to think into ‘his head’ and ‘what he likes’ and what ‘he would do’
- Insist in your choices and decisions
- Have me time – at least once a week
- Have a date with your partner/husband at least once a month
- Have a girls night out (a real one and not checking your cellphone every five minutes for an sms from HIM or going home after dinner back to the couch)
- Keep your girl friendships alive
- Don’t try to hang out at all the events/parties he does and don’t try to do everything together as a couple rather choose one or two projects/activities/hobbies that you do together
- ‘get/have’ a life
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
|photo by Africa|
Dressed beautifully in bright, natural colours
Diamonds and gold are your earthly jewellery;
Your people are your wealth.
Pearls and oyster shells of the sea are woven into your colourful dress.
Your body shaped like a gazelle - strength of a lion - endurance of an elephant and speed of an eagle. Your skin shimmers in multiple tans. Your nature unifies serenity and wildness - cat and lioness.
Africa – Afrique
is your most common name but in hundreds of languages they sing your praises and lullabies. Wisdom is your birth name.
Africa – Afrique
When I look into your eyes - tears slide down your bronzed cheeks.
Your body scared – divided – cut in pieces.
Your open mouth a silent scream
Red marks – blood, rape, death all over you.
(flying over the African continent, inspired by other artists during Africa day – June 2009)
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure,
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous –
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people
won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone,
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
Give other people permission to do the same.I think these words are very powerful and I was inspired by them many times. I think specially women need to listen to these words very carefully and allow their lights to shine. Remember you are ‘brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous’!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Many men wonder about the friendship between women. Either they face a kind of ‘competition’ with the best friend of their girlfriend/wife or the closeness between women has made them feel uncomfortable.
Firstly, I think, women have fewer issues with touching, hugging and holding each other, sleeping next to each other, being naked in front of each other.
I'm not sure, maybe I'm missing something. I don't understand why it is such a big thing to men. Any thoughts, ladies?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
La hora cuando todas las parejas han vuelto a casa
Es la hora cuando tienes que volver a la soledad
Es la hora cuando no sabes a quien llamar
La hora que grita – solo, sola, solo, sola
La hora después de las sonrisas
La hora después de la fiesta
La hora de las lágrimas
La hora de la verdad
La hora drama
La hora negra
Es la hora
(Dedicado a un querido amigo – Mayo 2009)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Just be, just want to be for a while
Be, not do, not create, not make
Be, not argue, not discuss, not plan
Be, yourself, myself
Be who I am.
Be who you are.
Be with me
Be with you
After the party
The party is over, the laughter is gone, the bottles are empty
Everyone went home.
I’m sitting here alone. Staring at the leftovers, the party hats…
We had fun, we danced on the tables, popped champagne bottles,
we were high, we laughed
The bad smell of alcohol and cigarettes is in the air.
it’s me alone
A bad taste in the mouth is all that stays.
What is love?
I’m looking through the window.
I see this couple loving, living and fighting.
I see the tears and the frustrations
They holding hands, hugs and kisses
Lots of love but little laughter
Smashing of doors, shouting and anger
Romantic moments, lit candles and darkness
Very little laughter, serious talks,
caring for the other but not being heard
I turn around, the sun brightens my face
I walk away.