Saturday, November 12, 2011

When friendships take their turns

Have you ever found yourself doubting a long-term friendship realising things are just not the same anymore?
It is a tough one. Once we find a friend that we call our 'best' friend, we are glued for life. Nothing can separate us. You know everything of the other person and she knows everything about you. Her number is the first you dial if you brake up, you pregnant or get engaged. When women make close friends they become soul-mates. It might not only be the one and only best friend in life but there are just a few with which we have a relationship of such close nature.
When any of those relationships go high-wire, it is very challenging to decide what to do. I think we normally choose to pretend all is still the same and we continue as if nothing has changed. Gradually you start seeing each other less, share less and the relationship becomes artificial.
Another way to address the issues is to 'pile up' anger and create a mega drama and fight resulting in the braking-up of the relationship - painful but fast. After which you will probably never see each other again.
The middle way right in between is difficult. The two of you know each other inside out. You know how to hurt the other, but you also know where the other hurts most. You know the strong and weak sides. And most importantly - you still like each other a lot. Something has changed. It could be circumstances, one self, the other person - whatever it is - getting on seems more difficult. As much as women have these awesome relationships, most of them have one weakness, we not good in criticising and talking honestly to each other about our relationships. I think most women will agree, men will be a bit perplexed....'if they can spend talking for hours and hours how can they not be able to talk about themselves?' Trust me, in many instances it is like that.
So taking all the courage and having that specific talk about ‘things have changed’ is tough; to come up with productive and creative ideas on how to salvage the relationship, might proof even tougher. Possible solutions? Maybe the chat alone will already set some energy free. Otherwise, solutions are not much different to those when your love relationship is in crisis.
  • A little bit of distance at first. 
  • Then, doing things together to have common experiences outside of the daily life or the friendship routine.
  • Allowing space for open and honest talk.
  • Being careful and respectful.
I can just encourage 'the talk' which will hopefully yield good results. The biggest plus? You might be able to maintain a friend.

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