The end of any relationship is painful. It means literally to break every little thing in your life up into pieces and reassemble it again but without the significant other in the picture. It is almost like a colourful mosaic of which you are asked to take out one specific colour. It means the picture looks dull, broken, not the same. You have to rip out each and every piece that is linked to the present and future. You need to decide how many of the pieces of the past you want to keep in. Most likely it is only the beautiful memories that you want to keep - but maybe not even that. Every time you have to look at those memories the realisation that it is over will hurt and you will ask yourself why was it so beautiful and what happened that it is not anymore? Do you maybe need to cover up the parts of the mosaic that portrays the beautiful memories?
For a real breakup to take effect, there needs to be distance – no contact. For the first time in a long time, I will not be able to share my pain and hurt with the one person that was my companion, friend and partner. Both of us have different versions of the same story, our relationship story, to tell and if we have to listen to each other’s stories, it will hurt. Our perceptions and memories are different. At this point, our stories will differ and it is not anymore about understanding the other, compromising, listening. It is about healing. We need to both heal but separately. Once you break up it is because you have reached the point of no return. It is the point when you have tried, you have talked, you have hurt. When you break up it is not just about the other, it is about you. It is the day when you wake up and look into the mirror. A mirror you have not looked into for a long time. You see yourself clear and real. You see your flaws, and you acknowledge who you really are. What are the things that you have covered up with the sweet blanket of love and relationship? What are the things that your relationship did not want you to see and acknowledge?
I always say that once you loved a person and you have given a piece of your heart you will never be able to 100% unlove the person. Yes, you can replace it with hate, you can try block it out, but ultimately, the person has taken a piece of you and you have given up a piece. This means you have to transform the love for this individual into a different type of love. Transforming your love is tough. It means you have to reduce your love and emotions to something different, something much smaller and less prominent.
So why is a break up so tough? It is because you have to deal with loss, hurt, transforming your love, your mistakes, your flaws and you have to keep on walking into a ‘new’ future. Quite a lot for one person...