Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Mother and daughter
Travelling with my mother made me think of writing something about her and me. Being in my thirties I found that the interaction with my mother has reached a very interesting phase.
When I was a child she seemed like the know-it-all saint, to then become the main enemy during teenage years and to reach a more balanced view in my twenties when a mature and adult relationship emerged. It seems that in my thirties the process of relationship formation with my mom has come to its heights.
Now being at the stage of full adulthood deep appreciation for her efforts and her energy invested in me and my siblings are on the forefront. She is an amazing woman.
Observing her, I can see her traits in me. I have similar gestures, expressions and behaviours. I am proud of a few and hope to manage life as well as she did/does. However, her being close to sixty some of her attitudes and characteristics are very prominent. They stand out and are sometimes annoying to me or people around. In those moments I think that I don’t ever want do this like her or be like that. It is not a degradation of the great person she is but a critical engagement and reflection. It also entails the hope that this reflection will assist me to really take a different route where I think necessary. In many instances, however, it will not work. Interestingly, the older one gets the more we become like our parents. We often are just a slight adjustment to who they are.
When I was at university I had to write an essay about myself being an inter-generational buffer for my family. This term basically means that I am the sum of my ancestors, my grandparents and my parents lives and I am like a funnel through which a new generation, a new mix evolves. Consciousness about this enables me to decide what parts of the mix I want to transfer to future generations BUT some of the parts will subconsciously and naturally be transferred to future generations.
Writing this reminds me to be patient in moments of irritation with my mother because I will wish to get this grace and patience from future generations as well. It is owed to her as she has more than gracefully earned it. It also calls on me as a daughter to be reflective and memorize those things that irritate me and not forget how I felt in my twenties/thirties when one day I reach that age and future generations are irritated with me.